No, this is not like a hair extension, or deadline extension. I admit it. I AM a narcissistic extension. I am trying to break the habit, though. (Wonder how to break the habit? See below.)
Have a look: http://www.wikihow.com/Identify-Being-a-Narcissistic-Extension
"Narcissism is a complex and often misunderstood character disorder. Less attention has been paid to the person who supplies what the narcissistic need. This person is known as a narcissistic extension, and can suffer tremendous trauma and abuse while feeling blameworthy. It is a difficult dilemma to solve, and is often perpetuated in adult relationships when children have had narcissistic parents, and less so, parents who act as narcissistic extensions. This article discusses the role of the narcissistic extension, and its development, and how people who are narcissistic extensions, like narcissists, "see" what is not there, but, unlike narcissists, blame themselves for this, and the resulting relationship and familial problems."
One important thought on being a Narcissistic Extension: it's not clear to me whether the Narcissist always makes the Extension, whether the Extension can make the Narcissist, or if both come pre-made into the nightmarish interactions they create. I suggest employing the following admonition, "Eschew judgment and belief" and then moving on with healing.
Four things that have helped me make it part way to breaking the habit:
A. The Four Agreements, by Miguel Ruiz. Here they are, but get the book and study it every day for a year.
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
B. The Mastery of Love, by Miguel Ruiz. Read it, study it every day for a year. Some of it will make you feel very sad for a while, but accept that what he says is largely true. For example, this idea was hard for me to accept, but he is right: If a person will not treat you with kindness and respect, it is a gift if they walk away (my paraphrase).
C. The Art of Loving, by Erich Fromm. See my blog post about this book.
D. Getting over the painful mental state of being a Narcissistic Extension will take a LONG time, and lots of effort. I'm convinced that time alone will not do it. It takes learning, dedication, concentration, daily effort. I have elsewhere likened it to the 12-year effort I have gone through to rebuild my lower back from serious debilitation.
Contact me any time with questions or comments.
For my Part 2 to this topic, see this post.
And for a Part 3 of sorts, see this post.
Also, elsewhere I suggest exposing yourself to the teachings of Mooji (who actually just teaches what many others have taught throughout the millennia): Sri Mooji.
One more edit: here is a video from HIM, which displays the lyrics of Cyanide Sun, a song that I think paints a picture of the emotional mess resulting from Narcissistic Extension/Narcissist interactions.